I like this: "That answer, always, will have to come from us". I also want to have the freedom that today I want to be better than yesterday and somedays I don't want to. And that is ok. I also want others to inspire me, not in a competitive way. Saw this on Twitter today (https://twitter.com/round/status/1467678185525583873): “A flower does not compare itself to the flower next to it, it just blooms.”
Agree! Lately, in therapy, and it’s not the therapist’s fault, but a goal has been accepting that I’m enough, as is. But enough is a low bar and I should eliminate the word from my self talk.
It’s kind of like how “tolerance” was once a goal in liberal speak and honestly, the goal was to tolerate marginalized people? Fuck kind of goal is that?
Now, instead of “I am enough,” I will shoot for “Bitch, you’re doing a good job,” over and over from those tik toks.
Thank you so much for writing about this! That thought - "if I cared more, I would've done more" - is so pernicious. I've been struggling with the idea of "doing enough" a lot lately, especially in the context of my health. I often fail to show myself grace when the "only" thing I accomplish in a day is managing my illness. I end up being hard on myself for not doing enough, even though managing a chronic illness all day every day is difficult! But because it's work that doesn't really lead to an acute tangible (or, honestly, financial) result, I struggle to see it as real, valuable work.
this is so good, thank you for putting forward this conversation. For me, there are two additional things to ponder: I work in music and artist development and marketing so my creative ideas are for others, that's hard to reconcile sometimes because of course everyone wants "the best of you" all the time, and I want to give it but not always have it at the ready. The other thing is, I lead a team of around 18-20 people, what's the best I could do for them to foster their creativity without it feeling like pressure? anyway, these thoughts occupy my days... thanks for this space!
I’ll have to sit with these questions you posed. I am a recovering perfectionist. As I readjust my expectations at being enough I must also reflect what being good and enough means. What a profoundly reflective start to a Monday “work week”.
I like this: "That answer, always, will have to come from us". I also want to have the freedom that today I want to be better than yesterday and somedays I don't want to. And that is ok. I also want others to inspire me, not in a competitive way. Saw this on Twitter today (https://twitter.com/round/status/1467678185525583873): “A flower does not compare itself to the flower next to it, it just blooms.”
Agree! Lately, in therapy, and it’s not the therapist’s fault, but a goal has been accepting that I’m enough, as is. But enough is a low bar and I should eliminate the word from my self talk.
It’s kind of like how “tolerance” was once a goal in liberal speak and honestly, the goal was to tolerate marginalized people? Fuck kind of goal is that?
Now, instead of “I am enough,” I will shoot for “Bitch, you’re doing a good job,” over and over from those tik toks.
Thank you so much for writing about this! That thought - "if I cared more, I would've done more" - is so pernicious. I've been struggling with the idea of "doing enough" a lot lately, especially in the context of my health. I often fail to show myself grace when the "only" thing I accomplish in a day is managing my illness. I end up being hard on myself for not doing enough, even though managing a chronic illness all day every day is difficult! But because it's work that doesn't really lead to an acute tangible (or, honestly, financial) result, I struggle to see it as real, valuable work.
I jussssssst wrote about not-enoughing! Thank you for this <3
this is so good, thank you for putting forward this conversation. For me, there are two additional things to ponder: I work in music and artist development and marketing so my creative ideas are for others, that's hard to reconcile sometimes because of course everyone wants "the best of you" all the time, and I want to give it but not always have it at the ready. The other thing is, I lead a team of around 18-20 people, what's the best I could do for them to foster their creativity without it feeling like pressure? anyway, these thoughts occupy my days... thanks for this space!
I’ll have to sit with these questions you posed. I am a recovering perfectionist. As I readjust my expectations at being enough I must also reflect what being good and enough means. What a profoundly reflective start to a Monday “work week”.
Did you ever do the follow up posts to this? This really speaks to where I'm at and would love your insights.