Thank you for reminding me that I have community and maybe just need to work harder to connect with it. I texted a good friend "Did you hear about Colorado?" And they responded, "Yeah, Colorado Springs is really conservative." I didn't even know what to say back and all the things went through my head, "I also live in a really conservative town." or "Which is important because?" but I didn't send any of it because what I was thinking is, "How can I be okay when they want me dead?"
I had a long talk w my mom, when we were together last week, about how this feels like an indication of one more thing that future generations won't get to enjoy. I had just read Hola Papi's piece on the importance of safe spaces, and we were talking about how these shootings aren't just about wiping us out, they are about getting rid of the places we feel safe. To believe that my daughter won't be able to enjoy being in a gay bar and not being afraid to really show up as who she is - to flirt, to dance, to drink, and to worry not about being queer, but maybe about "normal" things like drinking too much or spending too much money - is one of the saddest parts of my current life.
Oh Saeed ... thank you for this. "...they’ve got bullets for those of us who dare make it to adulthood." That gave me chills. We're walking targets and it makes me mad and makes me hopeless. But then I remember that when we work together we have power.
Yes. "America is adept at chasing us away from our feelings." This is perfect phrasing that captures a very real, very scary thing. It's not quite numbness because the feeling of loss is almost tangible, but there's barely time to reflect, release, or rebound into who, how, what, and where you are after the loss. It is absorbed like so many other tragedies, so much fear & rage, and an incomprehensible magnitude of death. I appreciate your words so much and thank you for expressing this truth with such intensity.
I am struggling with parenting {redacted} I'm afraid to even write it online because who knows how far they will go with their pogroms? What if they get hold of patient lists at children's gender clinics? They are already seeking out trans kids to target. They are searching for trans events to terrorize. I want my kids - all kids - to be free and be themselves, but I want to keep them safe, and nowadays, that means hidden. I would never ask them to change or hide their true selves, but FUCK.
My kids are so amazing, so radiant. The worry is paralyzing sometimes.
Yeah. Glad to hear someone say it other than me in my head or accidentally to the wrong straight cis friend who looks at me like I’ve got a tin foil hat on...
I have Gen Z relatives that are in the LGBTQIA+ collective. I am enraged. In the words of the Winchester brothers from Supernatural, "We got work to do." And when they said that, it never went well for the monsters. It won't go well for these "people" either. Sending love.
A Note Regarding Colorado Springs
Thank you for reminding me that I have community and maybe just need to work harder to connect with it. I texted a good friend "Did you hear about Colorado?" And they responded, "Yeah, Colorado Springs is really conservative." I didn't even know what to say back and all the things went through my head, "I also live in a really conservative town." or "Which is important because?" but I didn't send any of it because what I was thinking is, "How can I be okay when they want me dead?"
I had a long talk w my mom, when we were together last week, about how this feels like an indication of one more thing that future generations won't get to enjoy. I had just read Hola Papi's piece on the importance of safe spaces, and we were talking about how these shootings aren't just about wiping us out, they are about getting rid of the places we feel safe. To believe that my daughter won't be able to enjoy being in a gay bar and not being afraid to really show up as who she is - to flirt, to dance, to drink, and to worry not about being queer, but maybe about "normal" things like drinking too much or spending too much money - is one of the saddest parts of my current life.
Oh Saeed ... thank you for this. "...they’ve got bullets for those of us who dare make it to adulthood." That gave me chills. We're walking targets and it makes me mad and makes me hopeless. But then I remember that when we work together we have power.
Yes. "America is adept at chasing us away from our feelings." This is perfect phrasing that captures a very real, very scary thing. It's not quite numbness because the feeling of loss is almost tangible, but there's barely time to reflect, release, or rebound into who, how, what, and where you are after the loss. It is absorbed like so many other tragedies, so much fear & rage, and an incomprehensible magnitude of death. I appreciate your words so much and thank you for expressing this truth with such intensity.
I am struggling with parenting {redacted} I'm afraid to even write it online because who knows how far they will go with their pogroms? What if they get hold of patient lists at children's gender clinics? They are already seeking out trans kids to target. They are searching for trans events to terrorize. I want my kids - all kids - to be free and be themselves, but I want to keep them safe, and nowadays, that means hidden. I would never ask them to change or hide their true selves, but FUCK.
My kids are so amazing, so radiant. The worry is paralyzing sometimes.
Yeah. Glad to hear someone say it other than me in my head or accidentally to the wrong straight cis friend who looks at me like I’ve got a tin foil hat on...
I have Gen Z relatives that are in the LGBTQIA+ collective. I am enraged. In the words of the Winchester brothers from Supernatural, "We got work to do." And when they said that, it never went well for the monsters. It won't go well for these "people" either. Sending love.